Pansy Parents

I am writing this with a blend of sadness and anger in my spirit. Sad, because of the end result of children who are left to their own way, as the scripture says. And, angry at the parents who have abandoned the old fashioned ways of disciplining children. I call them 'Pansy Parents' because they have become whimpy and spineless in one of the most difficult endeavors on earth...parenting.

When God calls us to be parents we are called to teach the original boundaries of right and wrong. If we do a good job as a teacher in the home, it is likely that our children will not have to be taught boundaries by juvenile officers or worse, a warden of the penitentiary. Pansy Parents are creating an epidemic that is being reaped in this generation, and will be exponentially worse in the next.

God's Word speaks clearly about the need for corporal punishment in bringing up children. The pain placed with love, on the backside, will prevent pains of imprisonment and trouble with employers, etc. Let me spell that out further for the 'Pansies' who have given in to the idea of telling their children to do something and then 'counting to three' or, more likely, a hundred and three before getting angry and shouting at the top of their lungs, before their kids even think about paying attention. When we raise our children according to God's plan, we will eliminate the delinquency we are producing in our society.

Good parents have to do things they don't enjoy doing. (Stop and re-read that first line.) Seriously, if you are going to do half a job at being a good parent you are headed for a showdown. Let me review along with you a few principles that will help you in raising kids. 1. Discipline with love - The reason you spank and discipline children is because you love them. It is not love to allow your kids to run unchecked. It is not love to say, "I love them too much to hurt them." In truth, to fail to discipline is the surest way to bring hurt to your children. Never let anger be the thing that pushes you to discipline. You may feel anger, but the administration of punishment should only be done when you are calm, cool and have collected yourself to the point you can explain calmly why you are punishing. 2. Punishment should be hard enough to hurt, but not so hard that you bring long term physical harm. The goal is just to bring the child to remorse. He learns that the pain of doing something against his will is much less than the pain he will endure when you punish him...so he makes a decision to do the right thing and obey. 3. Your rules must be clearly spelled out, along with why they are good for them - You owe it to your children to tell them why the rule is made. They may not agree with you nor want to follow it, but at least they will know you have reasons for enforcing the boundaries. 4. Punish Consistently - This is perhaps the most important rule. It does little good to enforce the rules one day...or just when you are mad....or only when you yell....or on Saturdays...or only when company comes...etc. When a child has been given boundaries and you are certain they understand what you are expecting of them, then as a parent you must be faithful to make the rule stick everytime, all the time. Consistent discipline says to the child, 'Right and Wrong have consequences all the time.' To discipline otherwise teaches situational ethics. 5. Discipline must be done in a firm but settled tone - Be very aware of the tone you use when disciplining. You should not be screaming and yelling. This is more of a 'matter of fact' situation. "You broke the rules, knowing the punishment for your violation, so you are going to pay the price for it." This is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children. They will thank you one day for it.

Sometimes parents mean well and start down the road of discipline, then they fail to stay with it. You must maintain the momentum of doing right. Children are smart...they will figure you out! Then, when they figure you out, they will control you instead of you controlling them! Sometimes, especially in strong willed children, parents give up too quickly. For instance, you tell little Johnny to sit down in the chair for ten minutes for disobeying you. In three minutes he gets up. At that point you have a choice to make. If you ignore him and let him go play, you tell him that your word is meaningless and that there are no consequences for his actions. On the other hand, if you reinforce the command to stay put for ten minutes, now you remind him to get back into the chair or else he will be punished. Two more minutes go by and Johnny gets up again. He is testing you to see if you mean what you say. Now you must punish him. Simply remind him of the rule. "Johnny I told you to sit in the chair for ten minutes. You did not do it and now I have to keep my word and spank you. You disobeyed me and now you get a spanking. Do you understand?" Then you spank him matter of factly. Then you set him back on the chair and tell him he will sit there for ten minutes and if he gets up without permission, he will be punished again. If he gets up again, at any time, you spank him immediately.....and do this as many times as it takes. Be sure you don't get mad in the process. You are God's gift to this child. Continue to inflict pain on the buttocks. Either spank with your hand or with a light switch or strap. Be sure you are not bruising the child. There may be light bruising after several repeated spankings, but there should NEVER be deep bruising and the child should NEVER be struck in the face or other parts of the body. These spankings have to be kept up until you win. It may take two times or twenty-two times. This is where parents turn to pansies. They spank three times and then give in to little Johnny on the sixth time. Guess what? You just wasted your time and you have made real discipline ten times more difficult the next time. You must win the battle with your child. When you win the battle of the wills at an early age (don't spank until a child is old enough to understand right and wrong...approx 3 yrs. Spankings should be age appropriate, as far as severity.) you will not have to discipline nearly as much overall as the person who is inconsistent, or waits until they 'boil' before they act. When you win his will, the child knows that you mean business when you say no. Boundaries are then respected and that will pay dividends in his adult life as well.

Dads and moms need to be on the same page with this. This is something I try to bring up in pre-marriage counseling because it can be a problem if parents have different ideas. Dr. Spock has done our generation a severe dis-service. You cannot always 'just talk' to your kids. If we spare the rod, the child will be spoiled or ruined. This is a fact. Just look at all the jails we have built in the US during the last fifteen years. We can't build prisons fast enough to keep up with the spawn of evil going on in the homes of 'Pansy Parents'. This is just the tip of the iceberg. To fail to tell a child no, concerning obedience, curfews, porn, drugs, alcohol, and evil influences is setting them and yourself up for trouble and pain. Bottom line is, our nation's greatest generation was raised by parents who busted the tailends of their kids. Great homes and great nations require the necessary factor of respect, through discipline.

A bus driver, who had driven a school bus for 30 plus years, told me that when he started driving the bus he kept a paddle above the dash. If a child acted out, he would pull the bus over and paddle the child instantly. He said he almost never had any trouble on that bus. More than that, the children knew when they got home the parents would back up the bus driver by generally giving the child 'another' whipping. But before he retired he said, "Now days, if you paddle a child the parent will meet you at the school wanting to fight with you for paddling little Johnny."

In summation, either you cause the child to cry when they are young, or I promise you, you will cry as you watch the destruction of your kids. It is that simple! You either get involved, and enforce discipline or you will get to go visit them in jail one day or help them through detox centers or worse...bury them! I am speaking out at the epidemic in hopes that some parent will read this and avoid the tears of tomorrow. If that happens, my time has been well spent. It is time to be strong, put on your game face, break out grandma's razor strop or cut a peach tree limb and get back to the business of raising children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. When they are strong, profitable, balanced, loving citizens, you will have years to enjoy the return of excellent years. I wish you well.

Pastor Tim