I Don't Need God Any More! (rated mature)

I made a decision today, the biggest of my life.  Let me emphasize...'my' life!  It is a decision that may surprise you.  You see I have been a Christian since I was five years old.  I have been in more church services than most people go to in three lifetimes.  I have given 10% (plus) of my income every year to the church.  If you were to count the prayers I have prayed you would need extra batteries for your calculator.  My life has been one of mostly good deeds.  For more than twenty years I have put others needs ahead of my own through ministry.  But today is a day of change.  Today I figured I had done enough, prayed enough, been good enough to God that I could let Him chase me around if He wanted me, while I kinda do things my way.

To start with, I am abandoning all those hardcore commandments.  Remember the 'Big Ten'?  Man, what a cramp on my life.  Why is God taking all the fun out of life?  I mean...if I want to lift somebody's wallet so I can buy a new four-wheeler...big deal!  What if I want to spend weekends at the fishing hole, worshiping my new Skeeter Bass boat instead of enduring those boring church services.  I'd like to plant my backside on the couch and chill while all the Jesus people go to church.  I need the rest.  It might be nice to stay home and watch TV...might even smoke a cigar just to say I did!  It is about time I get to criticize the preacher on all the surface level stuff...the house he lives in the car he drives the nice suit he wears and all for that cush little, stress free job he has.  Wonder if he puts in more than four or five hours a week...while the good old boys bust their butts just barely eeking by.  See...I'm pretty good already.  This is nice!  Hey while I'm at it, a peek at a chick-flick won't hurt!  Those babes are hot!  Who cares man...I don't need God anymore.  I have decided to do things 'my' way for once.  I may have old Frank Sinatra's song played at my funeral, "I did it my way!"  (Or was that Elvis)  Marriage?  You have got to be kidding.  Marriage is God's big joke on humanity.  Talk about tying people down!  Besides it requires committement and I am all about getting rid of that stuff.  Many of 'em don't make it anyway...so why risk it?  Have fun...pleasure-up dude!  And the buzz...where is the commandment against a little weed or a evening in the honky-tonk sucking suds with my buds?  One more thing.  Without God bugging my mind, I can carry the baggage of unforgiveness and hatred right out on my sleeve.   Go ahead ask me...I will spill my guts and tell you the latest gossip.  I have been holding it all in 'til I have a little indigestion.  Better than that, just knock that fragile chip off my shoulder...watch this attitude come to life.  Did you ever see a redneck fight?  I ain't scared of a little blood, in fact I kinda like it!  Boy, this is going to be fun....and if I get the chance I may just knock the holy sand out of a joker or two that I've been needing to "clean their clock!"  Getting away from this Jesus thing is already starting to feel quite liberating.  It is so hard to walk beneath the cross...and there's not much of what I want to do associated with it.  The more I think on it...I think I made the choice for a fun time.  I just don't need God anymore.  

No, I don't need God anymore, or at least I don't think I do...until...until what?   Until, I find how truly empty I am without Him.  The ache in my heart would hurt so bad that nothing could fill the void.  Until I realize that my anger unchecked by the Holy Spirit would create more messes than I could clean up.  Until, I realized how much I gained from being in the services on a regular basis.  There's not a ten-pound bass out there that could ever do for me what being frequently with my brothers and sisters in Christ can do.  No, I would not need God until...the doctor called and said I have a sexually-transmitted disease or that my girlfriend is pregnant and is in the office for an abortion.  Nobody could think of the torture that would be.  Even if she kept the child the financial burden would weigh me down to the point I could never afford a john boat, much less a real bass boat.  I don't need God until the guilt of hell and the accusation of Satan tears my soul apart.  When the buzz is over and the headache and puking began I think I would understand that God and His ways are not such a bad idea.  Funny how the laughter fades into a sickening silence when you leave the beer joint.  Odd how swiftly ones incentive turns to bitterness as quickly as the thrills of a sinful flick ends or the smoke from a dooby has vanished or the blood stops flowing from an enemies cut lip.  The knuckles would heal long before my soul would.  I'm starting to think differently about my choice to leave God out.

You know, I think the Ten Commandments were actually placed there to keep me happy and not cramp my style.  Now I see the Bible as God's Word, His love letters, to me...not merely a dull, dusty, old history book.  It is real.  So is forgiveness.  You want to talk about chills.  That gives me chills.  To think that God would love me enough to erase my past and allow me the grace to offer the same to others.  Powerful reason to serve Him don't you think?  You know, I'm beginning to think I need God.  In fact...I confess I do need God...and I will continue to.

I will need God today...as I go through the course of events and conversations, realizing that all my unknowns are known unto Him.  That alone gives me peace.  I will need God tomorrow and everyday.  I will need God as my children select mates for life.  I need God to help guide my steps and my words so that I don't fall into the trap of gossip and backbiting and revenge.  I need God to help me forgive those who trespassed against me and want free from their own guilt.  I will need God if ever there is that unwanted call from the doctor concerning my latest test results.  I will need God when I attend the funeral of friends and family.  I will need God and the church when my grandchildren are dedicated to the Lord.  I will need God as a Godly grandfather to my family as I point them daily to the cross.  I will need God when the doctor says, "Tim, you only have a few hours left to live so say your goodbyes."  

One day I, along with every other living human, will stand squarely before the Almighty God to give an accounting of our lives.  At that point...and at a million other points between now and then....I will be glad I did 'not' decide that I didn't need God anymore.

Think about it.

Pastor Tim