Thursday, December 17, 2009

Open Your Eyes and Shut Your Mouth...we'll all be better off

People, in the broadest sense, are largely gullible, susceptible, and often given to being skeptical...about the wrong things. Now, lest you think I have a totally skewed view of humanity, realize that I've been working in the 'people' business all of my life. Most of my duties as a pastor include encouraging those who feel like, "the world is against them...and everything is going down the tubes" when it is not, or reprimanding those who think "they don't need anybody to tell them how to run their part of the world" when they are sorely in need of accountability, and lending strength to those who "don't know why all the bad things happen to them". While there are some amazing people, there is some bad in the very best of us and that bad often surfaces through the mouth...our words.

I have found that most trouble in the world as well as in the church, happens because of what people first think and then say. There are those however, who fail to engage the first part of that equation at all. Nonetheless, it is our words that give the most problem. It is truly amazing how large a matter a little fire kindleth. When somebody begins to talk, it starts conversation, rumor, and the gullible part of the mind begins to assume the worst, and get into panic mode. You soon see the eyes get big and the "OH MY GOODNESS!" "YOU DON'T SAY!" "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" I get tickled just thinking about it. Stuff that don't amount to a small hill of beans gets magnified in the mouth until the proverbial anthill becomes Mount Everest.

While men have more than their share of inherent problems such as lust, ego, etc, this struggle with the mouth is often more of a struggle for women. It is proven scientifically, that women are more verbal than men. This in and of itself sets them up for this error. That is not to say that men do not succumb to the errors of talk, gossip, etc. They certainly do, but females are more communicative and as such, are by statistical averages, more given to this error. They want to talk. When women get together, they don't punch each other on the arm...don't wrestle, don't drink beer and talk about Sunday's football game. No! They talk about life, kids, etc. The trap is set. The more fantastic the news or, gossip, the more time the 'floor' is given to the one with the juiciest news! It is quite easy for that scenario to turn into less than the absolute truth. The intentions of the innocent may be skewed tremendously. It happens everyday! Perhaps this is the backdrop for 2 Timothy 3:6, "For of this sort (those who are promoting falsehood) are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts." The silliness is their willingness to listen to and believe that which is false. This does not men all women are silly. But the sins of the mouth proliferate in an environment where truth is secondary to power, a vendetta, or a 'need' to tell the latest.

Trouble is two fold. One is....the platform for the juicy stuff is a place of power. Power often corrupts by its very nature. So it is easy to embellish, or make something a bit more exciting. You know you can make the most innocuous story plumb amazing if you tweak it a bit. Second is...the tale grows taller on down the line. The rumor mill is known for the manufacture of lies. Remember this, "Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear!"

For instance, perhaps you saw a fellow stop beside the road to help a lady change a flat tire at dusk. When rehearsing the story, especially if there is ill intent, one could leave out the 'flat tire' portion and make it a juicy story. "You would not believe what I saw last night!!!" This of course is a great beginning. Everyone gets wide-eyed and scoots up close for the tale. "I saw so and so together last night talking!" Now you've got em. "Not only that, but they were alone....and in the dark!" Can't you hear the 'caring' gasps of the girls bidding the teller to continue?

From there...the tale can just go crazy. In ten minutes the news has spread to at least 25 telephones via text, email. Before the day is over you'd be amazed how terrible the poor guy who stopped with pure motives to simply help change a flat tire, now looks to many people. This is how damaging the mouth can be. The book of James says the tongue has the power of life or death.

There are many other examples. One can taint a story....or twist one's intentions....or use slight to change what one meant...and create a panic. Before you know it, the spark produced by the tongue, rages as a forest fire in the tinder of the mind!! Damage, destruction, horrible ramifications are the results. Leaders are undermined as being selfish, suspicious, slanderous or worse. In these cases there are no fair trials. A fair trial allows both sides to speak their peace. But when you hear one side...one side that's really revved up and juicy, fairness falls by the wayside.

More than once have I heard of people who work together in a factory and get to bashing their spouses daily at the break room table. Soon, the women are suspicious of their husbands and the husbands of their wives. Next, the opposite sex becomes little more than trash and then divorce happen and soon then an epidemic. This is not fiction...I know it happens. I have counseled more than one who have lost their marriage or almost have... and it all starts with what is said.

In conclusion, verify everything before you repeat it. Do not assume someone's motive. Do not speak information that might cast any shadow on the truth or what was intended. The Ten Commandments have a command that we 'Shall not bear false witness!" If we will practice this, truth will live and the damaging falsehoods will wither away.

(Lest I am mis-interpreted...I believe in the important role ladies fill in the church, in government, in management, in church, in ministry etc. I am simply saying this particular temptation is greater for them, just like lust of the eye is greater for a man.)

2 comments:

Kent A. Morris said...

After taking a break from blogging this year I am glad you are back. I still check in regularly to see what you have posted. I really enjoy the inspiration and motivation I receive when reading your thoughts. This one is a lesson we all need often. I have received some priceless training through my participation with the Diversity Councils with the company I work for. The damage caused by gossip is one area where we spent a lot of time and effort discussing and educating our associates on. When identifying gossip one facilitator summed it up this way, "If you are not part of the problem or part of the solution, and you are talking about it, then you are gossiping." Gossip can ruin lives, careers, and most all parts of our lives. Great lesson Tim. Thanks for the blog and the reminders we all need to keep our lives on track!

Tim Estes said...

Thank you sir. I will try to do better at blogging. You definitely have a great perspective on the workforce, esp in the area of diversity. Gossip harms across all lines whether civic, employment, race, religion etc. I love the quote you left, "If you are not part of the problem or part of the solution and you are talking about it, then you are gossiping." Wow. Blessings in the new year.